As I Watch You From Above
by Black Demon Myst
Summary: Okay, dead folks dominate this fic. The title tells the story. Dead people talk now. Just something I thought of. Thanks!
1. Chapter I: Pity

As I Watch You From Above

By: Black Demon Myst

Author's Notes: Well, I'm a believer of life after death, and I'm pretty much writing in dead people's POV. I'm glad to be back at FF! I won't tell you who it is, and don't kill yourself trying to guess. I'll but his or her names at the bottom when you finish, and if you still didn't get it, you can read it again and see how the pieces fit. Sorry, I'm pretty much doing this really quickly… sorry if it's just not good. Just a bit of light writing!

Disclaimers: I can read your mind. I don't eat hamsters. No, I don't eat raccoons. Oh, and just for the record, just so you know, I don't own Saiyuki. ^_^

As I watch you from above,

I see someone like me,

but totally different from me.

A shell made of my face,

A frozen heart I never knew,

And someone I learned to love more than I.

As I watch you from above,

I see someone, with whom I have so many regrets,[1]

Yet so many rewards.

I live the regrets until today,[2]

But I feel the rewards as if they were given to me yesterday.

As I watch you from above,

I feel as if I should reach out

And tell you to stop.

I am no longer there.

As I watch you from above,

I feel like a burden.

Did I stop you from going on?

You say you are who you are

And you plan to stay that way.

You will destroy those who block your path

Yet it is you who is keeping you from going on.

But you are not the one who blocks your path.

You may not realize it, but he still blocks your path until today.

Yet you cannot destroy him.

For I am already dead.

As I watch you from above,

I can be proud to say I knew.

To be proud to say I loved.

To be proud in all things possible.

As I watch you from above,

I can see what you do,

But not what goes on.

What dies and what dies along with you.

A heart made of steel,

Yet it is a heart that has crumbled.

A heart made of hate,

Yet a heart yearning for love.

A heart made of sadism,

Yet it is a heart of masochism.

A heart made of indifference,

Yet a heart made of concern.

As I watch you from above,

I wonder if it would be better if I returned.

I wonder if I could save you for the second time.

I want to hear you again.

And teach you more.

To rest and fulfill the promise we made together.

Yet I must say goodbye.

I didn't have the chance to last time.

It's Komyo Sanzo!

1- "I see someone, with whom I have so many regrets,"

     Komyo kept a lot of things unfinished. Like the sake, saying 'goodbye' and I'm sure he had a lot more to preach.

2- "I live the regrets until today,"

     Oh, c'mon. If he hadn't died in _that_ manner, do you think Sanzo'd be this way?


	2. Chapter II: My Love Is A Burden

As I Watch You From Above

Chapter II: My Love Is A Burden

By: Black Demon Myst

I'm sorry updating took forever! Been studying too hard again, I guess…

Disclaimers: Fill in the blanks: I do ___ own ________. I am just an________ with nothing better to do in my spare time. (Saiyuki, not, author)

_"All of you laugh at me because I am so different, but I laugh at all of you because you are all the same."_

_- Unknown _

Hey, if anyone knows the author to this quote, could you inform me?

As I watch you from above,

I wish only to come back down.

How I yearn to hold your hand

To tell you I am gone.

Live your life only for yourself,

And know I'll always be here

Watching over you as you tried to do the same for me.

As I watch you from above,

I see a bright, happy face

With the sadness of the world hanging on his shoulders.

You don't have to carry that much.

You don't deserve to.

Someone like you should be living a happy life.

I'm sure God would've wanted you to.

He would say that it was the reward for your kindness and patience,

But I know you are not the type to take them off.

You took the sadness of those who were suffering

And gave them your happiness.

Indeed, too nice.

As I watch you from above,

I envy those who can still touch your skin,

Smell your hair,

Hear your voice.

I can't sense those anymore, I can only watch.

But to have known you once

And to have been part of your life,

Is the greatest gift your hated god has given me. [1]

As I watch you from above,

I think of those days we were together,

When we shared a life,

When we weren't alone.

But now we have been separated once again,

To endure the sadness we endured long ago.

But now you smile a plaster smile

As I watch you from above.

As I watch you from above,

I see the new life you lead.

A friend,

A savior,

And a child. [2]

You care for all, as you cared for me,

And I'm glad you can love again,

Trust again,

And laugh again.

For it was me who stole all of those from you,

For when my life was taken, so was yours, as well as your joy.

But I died,

And you reincarnated.

As I watch you from above,

I know you are no longer the man I knew,

No longer the man I loved,

No longer the brother I lost

And found again.

You are no longer the murderer driven by love.

Even though you are the same person,

I still don't know you.

You are only a reincarnation,

Only a shadow,

Of the man I loved.

You have reincarnated 

Into the man I know now

As Cho Hakkai.

Goodbye.

It's Kanan!

Too cheesy for ya? Thought so. I'm not exactly an expert at cheesiness, but I guess it's more readable than my humor, huh? ^____^

Translations:

[1] "Is the greatest gift your hated god has given me."– This was written in the 'I don't believe in God.' and the 'Even if there is a God, he would be incompetent.' point of view.

[2] "A friend, A savior, And a child."– The Sanzo party. Go figure who is who. Tell me which you thought was who in a review, okay?

NOTICE:         I know, I know. I've never really been a major writer over here, and I've never had a time when I was really well known. This is because updating takes forever, and I know 'I had homework' is not exactly a good enough excuse. So, everyone, I apologize for this and for all the future times I will be logged off from ff.net, because I'll have little chunks of my stories floating around the area.

                        The person who has probably suffered the most from my 'usoi'ness is Ami sama, my former "boss" on the edit department. However slow I was she took pity upon me and even said sorry, because she thought she gave too much, when I was just being lazy. Deepest apologies, Miss Ami, I'm very sorry.

Special thanks to ShamanShadow, who called me when I had to do my homework. Thanks to you, I finally sat at my terminal again.

Bai bai! (Disappears into the Myst)

ShamanShadow- I had no idea BDM could be so cheesy!

BDM- Trust me, neither did I.

ShamanShadow- Good job.

BDM- Stop copying me.

Your Author,

_Black Demon Myst_

_"A true gentleman first practices what he preaches, then preaches what he practices" _

_- Confucius_


	3. Chapter III: My Hate For Your Blood

As I Watch You From Above

Chapter III: My Hate For Your Blood

By: Black Demon Myst

As I watch you from above,

I feel all love, regret, and hate.

Strange, but true.

I would gladly point out all the reasons why

I feel these things

As I watch you from above.

As I watch you from above,

I feel love.

I feel love for you are my son.

I feel love for you are my kin.

I feel love for you are my skin and blood.

Well,

Half of it, at least.

You may not think I love you,

But truly, I do.

I know you loved and still love me,

Yet I could not show any of mine to you.

Which is why I feel regret.

As I watch you from above,

I feel regret.

I feel regret due to my actions.

I feel regret due to my irresponsibility.

I feel regret due to my favoritism.

I feel regret due to my cruelty,

And how I am now covered in my own blood,

The blood which was shed by my blood.

It was the one I favored who did this,

And yet you continued to love me.

But why do I feel hate?

Why am I to hate you?

I am unaware of why I hate you,

Yet I still feel it.

Maybe it is that I do not hate you.

Maybe it is that I really loved you.

I loved you with all my heart.

But you were that woman,

That woman who was with my man.

When I saw you,

I saw her.

Which is why I hated you.

I loved you,

But hated what was your blood.

Do you wish my happiness?

Do you wish my good?

I watch you from above,

And I see no grudge.

And I did so much.

I had a grudge against you,

Yet you did nothing at all.

I cannot turn back the hands of time.

I cannot pick up the flowers' petals;

I cannot wipe your wounds;

I cannot heal your bruises;

Now, that I can only watch you from above.

I pick up this flower,

It is a lotus.

It is red,

Yet is also white.

And I get pink.

It is soft, its hue and its feel.

When I see it,

I think of you, for you are blood,

Yet also so pure.

When I feel it,

I think of you, for you are so soft,

Yet so beautiful.

I cannot see why I failed to recognize such obvious details

When I still had my eyes.

Was it that the salt water blurred these?

Was it that I refused to see these?

Or was it that I could only see myself?

I could only see the false good I was doing.

How cruel.

For these I am truly sorry, my son.

For these I cry.

For that I wipe my eyes.

I know you wouldn't want me to cry

Even though your tears were what I wished for.

Now, I wish for eyes of joy

As I watch you from above.

It's obviously Gojyo's mother, whose name was never revealed.


	4. Why Are You Lonely?

As I Watch You From Above

Chapter IV: Why Are You Lonely?

By: Black Demon Myst

I try to lessen my notes whenever I write poetry. Again, if I may explain, 'As I Watch You From Above' is something I do only in my spare time. I will accept no deadlines. (But hey, if I finish before or at your deadline, that's not so bad.) Also, I had a major hiatus in between writing this, so you might notice two different styles of writing.

-- 

As I watch you from above,

I wonder about many things.

Why was I special to you?

Why did your face change when I first met you?

Why, when you looked at me,

Did you show both love and envy?

Why was my death such a grief to you?

These questions have yet to be answered.

Do you not find it ironic, that even after my death

Questions remain unanswered?

I ask them now, again

As I watch you from above.

As I watch you from above,

I wonder why I was so special to you.

There were many of my kind,

And yet you decided to befriend me.

And I thank you for that.

But we all looked the same!

Why was it you recognized me

Out of us all?

I was not the best in the group,

Not even the smartest.

And as I watch you from above,

This question remains in my head

When I flew to you,

It was because I could not follow the rest.

They said they were following a voice high in the mountains,

But I could fly no longer.

I came back, again and again, everyday,

And the rest of the flock would continue searching for the voice.

But I was content.

I didn't want to find the voice, for I was filled by looking just at your eyes.

When I looked at them, I saw myself;

My color, my innocence, and my helplessness.

But you know,

Your smile made me even happier.

When my death came, that smile disappeared

Caging the happiness I had experienced on Earth.

However, I can see that that smile of yours has resurrected,

Allowing my happiness to fly free once again

Just as you are now

As I watch you from above.

As I watch you from above,

I see you have found an older brother.

Does he take care of you?

Does he look after you just as I did?

Has he replaced the one who loved you so dearly,

Just because I can only watch you from above?

As I watch you from above,

I see one who takes care of you.

I'm sorry I couldn't do that, as well.

I tried, but failed.

I could not bring you food when you wanted it.

I could not comfort you whenever you were lonely.

I could not save you from sadness

On the day of my death.

I am, though glad for you.

You deserve someone like that.

Not just someone who watches you from above.

As I watch you from above,

I feel jealousy crawl within me.

Why are you no longer sad?

Have I been replaced?

Why is that monk so beautiful to you?

I have the same hair.

And, unlike him, I came to you every passing day.

You run after him.

You don't deserve someone as rude as he. Leave.

I don't understand.

Does he remind you of me?

Does he remind you of the one who watches from above?

As I watch you from above,

I wonder on why you looked so lonesome

On the day I found you.

But I am glad

That I never saw that face again.

At least not in my lifetime.

For as I watch you from above,

That was the only face I saw.

As I watch you from above,

I see you with three grown men.

Ever since you met those three,

That face of loneliness disappeared

Once again.

That man of green,

I see you love him much.

He gives you what you need,

And what you want.

The man of red,

I know you have much fun with him.

You two are like the closest of brothers.

The man of yellow,

I see little you can like of him.

Yet you do.

This I will never understand.

It is my biggest question I ask

As I watch you from above.

--

I bet 'fly' just gave it away. It's the bird that visited Goku when he was still in the mountains.


End file.
